Category: Funny

It Works, Too

“A dating agency in China has launched with the idea of uniting men and women who want to get married – but who have no interest in sex. The Cupid agency, in the eastern Chinese city of Nanjing, caters exclusively for couples seeking a completely sexless relationship. ” — From the BBC

Come on China, get with the times. These have existed in the West for years now; we call them MMORPGS…

The Spams Of Our Lives

Subject: Say bye to stomach and thighs

But I like being able to digest and walk…

Subject: responsible for the deaths

Damn, now I’m going to have to go into hiding again.

Subject: Find out if Francesca is a real man
Subject: Find out if Andre is a real woman

Um, I’d hope *not*…

Subject: Re: machine-guns. Then you attempted

Attempted what??? Whatever it was, it sounded like fun…

Subject: don't be a moron Garth

Shyeah, it’s way too late for a Wayne’s World 3. But it’s never too late for a Party Time!!!

Subject: your mother knows you watch dangerous videos

Yeah, but I’m a grown man. I can watch “Do-It-Yourself Heart Surgery” if I want to.

Subject: Make your plate invisible- languish bowmen

Woohoo! I’ll finally be safe from all those archers hiding in the bushes along the highway.

Subject: Our team is ready

Good. Take out the communications towers while Strike Force B surrounds the airport. The capital will fall within hours.

Early Bird

I woke up this morning, and since it’s my first day back at work in a while, I figured I’d better hustle lest I fall back asleep again and become late, so I immediately hopped in the shower. After getting out of the shower it still seemed to be rather dark out, so I wandered back into the bedroom and checked the clock. 2:33 AM. I could have sworn it said 8 AM when I woke up…

I went back to sleep, of course, and in a reminder of why I don’t shower in the evening, woke up again with a raging case of bedhead that made me look like something straight out of Eraserhead, so I had to take *another* quick shower just to tame it…

Curses!

A couple days ago I was bored, so I whipped up a Firefox extension that made it a bit easier to search the PoE forums using a search engine made by one of the other users.

And then a couple hours later someone else posted that he’d been working on something similar and was just about to release his version. And his does a much better job. And mine appears to be a bit buggy.

Damn. Oh well, at least now I can pretend to be a Javascript and XUL expert…

It’s Spam Time Again

Subject: New Drug Store Kenny

Oh my God, they overdosed Kenny! You bastards!

Subject: The crocodile's best weapon against infection Ann

I didn’t know Typhoid Mary had a sister. Those crocodiles better watch out…

Subject: re : painfull appointment tuesday at 22-00

I think I might skip this appointment.

Subject: scan your PC for free Andy

No thanks, I’ve already got all the Andy I need.

Subject: Earth is not round! It's dirty!

Hey, round things can be dirty…

Subject: FAt sluts get DIRTY!

See!

Subject: i haerd you borke into a huose last ngiht

This is just fun to say with a mock-Swedish accent.

Subject: can Joaquin come over and watch?

Sure, he can sit there enthralled while I fix up compiler warnings, validate type safety after adjusting interfaces, fill out work schedule estimates…

Subject: assist your husband with his pain

Things You Didn’t Know About Yourself Part #1: Your gay spouse.

Subject: why does your wife spy on you

Things You Didn’t Know About Yourself Part #2: And apparently I’m a polygamist.

Subject: help your daughter with her pain

Things You Didn’t Know About Yourself Part #3: With a presumably adopted or bastard daughter.

Subject: Please confirm everything,. Mon, 01 Nov 2004

Gee, I don’t know if I have the authority to confirm *everything*…