Category: Funny

Meet Bob

I occasionally have to work on integrating with APIs for various user directory services, and as part of that I have to create a bunch of fake users with silly names for testing.

These services are also rather hungry for you to sign up for their more advanced/larger volume services though, and some of them are not beyond trying to contact users to try and upsell those services. So, every once in a while, I’ll get an email that literally says “Hello Bob Testuser, I’d like to discuss how we can help you in the mobile space…”

Nice

Due to Amazon shenanigans, I’ve been browsing around some other e-book stores, and checked in on Kobo today. I was kind of surprised that the “Graphic Novels and Comics” section had its own “Erotica” subsection, and just had to check it, out of curiosity. And once in there, I couldn’t help but notice that the listing of books went out to…69 pages.

Late Spam

Subject: They need you weak

Yeah, well, the cyber-samurai aren’t going to catch me off-guard that easily…

Subject: Postgraduate degree in economics is your dream? Get it right now over here.

Man, I don’t remember most of my dreams, but I hope they’re more exciting than that.

Subject: Get more swell down there

You’re going to help me make more friends down in the U.S.?

Subject: Check out my awesome racks

I would, but my keycard won’t let me in your server room.

Subject: Two simple steps,Add the title "Ph.D" to your resume

Hey, that’s only one step! I may not have a Ph.D, but I did take Counting 100.

Subject: Tarzan in bed after 1 doze.

He probably should have taken the NoDoz instead.

Spam Watch

Subject: Your elegant watch will keep you warm

What, does it have a space heater built-in?

Subject: You are old enough to have a designer watch

Wait, there are age limits on these things? Is there a pamphlet or legal statute I can check for this?

Subject: No watch will be able to compete with yours

No thanks, the last thing I need is the government trying to declare my wrist a monopoly.

Subject: An elegant watch will give you the wings.

I didn’t know Red Bull made watches now.

Subject: Change your life for better ? get a decent watch.

Just a ‘decent’ one, though. Wouldn’t want to be showy or anything.

Subject: Feel the wonder of having a tremendous instrument

We’re still talking about watches here, right?

The Spam Rolls On

Subject: Be satisfied for life!

You know, most DMs fulfill that kind of Wish request by doing something like killing you instantly…

Subject: Enter the New Year without ED dysfunction

ATM machine. PIN number. ED dysfunction.

Subject: Your dream is reality You have 70% cut off in our software shop

Er, which 70% of me do you intend to cut off?

Subject: Amaze your gf with your new dimension

Hey, I have enough trouble navigating through three dimensions already.

Subject: Embarassed over what you have in your pants?

I swear, officer, I have no idea how that squirrel got in there.

Double-Whoops

Amarok crashed on me just as it was completing a collection database scan, and it popped up a crash reporter and asked me to fill in some more information about what it was doing. I dutifully filled it out, and noticed that it was going to email the crash dump. I hadn’t configured KMail yet, so I went to the Tools/Configure KMail menu…

And then KMail crashed on me. No bug report for you!

So Far The Home Team Is Up By 2 Gigs

Right now, MythTV is recording an episode of Rome for me. But at the same time, a transcode job is in the middle of converting some other shows to MPEG-4 to free up some disk space.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me that my idea of amusement is to keep checking the amount of free disk space every few minutes just to see which task is ‘winning’…

Just Make Sure They’re Clean Ones

I’m kind of glad that I got the standalone Rock Band game and not the full set, given how much trouble a lot of people seem to be having with the reliability of the new guitar and especially the drums. On a lot of sets, rapid drum rolls aren’t properly detected and miss a lot of notes, and the pedal snaps in half a bit too easily.

People are inventive though, and have come up with a lot of quick, homebrew mods to try and make the drums more reliable. One of the best so far doesn’t even need you to break the drum set open; you just need a bunch of…socks?

Spamford And Sons

Subject: I will guide you to your first million;))

Whoa, no thanks. I have no idea what I’d do with that many smilies.

Subject: Full of health? Then don't click!

You’re right, I should save that health pack until the boss fight.

Subject: Forget about annoying 30-40 minutes before sex.

Hey, what have you got against foreplay?

Subject: Fifth Third Bank reminder: mail from Fifth Third Bank.

Sorry, but I’m actually signed up with the Thirty-Fourth Seventeenth Bank.

Subject: Wanna read the conversations your husband, wife, and kids are having on Yahoo and MSN?

Sure! I’d love to spy on both my wife, and, uh…husband?

Subject: PUSH PUSH PUSH

Why? Am I in the middle of labor? I hate sudden surprises like that…

If It Weren’t For Bad Timing, I’d Have…Uh…Good Timing…

I headed back home yesterday, taking an express bus that would get me home the fastest. Except that things slowed to a crawl and occasional standstill on one stretch of the highway due to numerous cars off in the ditches, thanks to blowing snow.

After we finally arrived, a half-hour late, I waited for the free shuttle bus to the downtown area. Normally it leaves within 10-15 minutes of a bus arriving, but 25 minutes later it still hadn’t left. And the bus we arrived on then left without acting as the shuttle, as it usually does, and there were no other buses in the terminal. I gave up and walked downtown, which only takes about 15 minutes anyway.

And after getting downtown, I got to the train platform just as the train I wanted arrived. But, I fumbled the coins as I was purchasing a ticket, and missed the door by seconds.

Sigh.