I’m not particularly introspective, but as time goes on it’s harder to avoid thinking of most of the problems in my life, and the things I should do or have done but haven’t. Why not? The pat answer would be that I’d be afraid of failing, but I don’t think that’s quite right. I’ve already failed at them by not even trying for so long.
No, I’m starting to think that the answer may actually be that I’m afraid of success. Succeeding always sounds great, of course, but it always brings additional complications, responsibilities, and other unknown factors into your life, and I think that’s what scares me the most. I’ve gotten comfortable in my little life as it is, and become suspicious of any potential changes to it.
Damned if I know how to fix it, though.
My fears aren’t quite the same as yours. I *am* afraid of failure, which prevents me from trying new things. It’s just easier to be bored and complacent. But you’re effectively in the same position I was in a few months ago (other than you being much higher up the developer food chain).
That’s when I came to the realization that I was wasting my life. And that thought scared the crap out of me. For me, the fix has been:
* Constantly try new things
* Assume that I will fail most of the time
* Learn to appreciate the experience, despite the failure